Dear Mr. Hodgkins (part 3)

"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you...” [2 Chronicles 20:12]

Well, here are the final thoughts from this adventure. I am sure there are many more things I could say, this is just a snippet of the undeserved blessing of suffering.

During our daily journeys we walk and will come across unexpected other paths. They may be happy things such as a job opportunity, graduating college (because we all know that is a happy moment in the life of a young adult), getting married - you name it! However, there are many things that come into our lives that we wish we wouldn’t have to experience - sickness, death, suffering, trials. When you are walking through unimaginable trials it is hard to find even a little bit of good in the midst of all the bad. Trust me. This is one of the biggest things I have struggled with during this time. 

1. Remind yourself of truth

As a Christian, I have grown up with all of the “Christian-ese” truths. ‘God is always good.’ ‘God will never leave you or forsake you.’ ‘God is faithful.” But deep down in your heart when everything around you seems dark you fight to believe this truth, this amazing promise from God. How are you suppose to hope in God when you are suffering? Let me tell you, it’s not easy.

• "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." [2 Corinthians 4:16-18]

How is my “light momentary affliction” preparing me for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison? Why should I not lose heart? Answer: because this world is not my home. Although it is hard to believe in times of trial, any type of suffering is slowly conforming you to the image of Christ.

• "And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." [Isaiah 42:16]

This passage of scripture has been particularly encouraging to me during this time. God promises us, the “blind”, that He will lead us in ways we do not know. He will guide us on paths that we have not known. I have see God keep this promise. There are no words to describe the “blind-ness” we as a family faced those first few days after receiving the diagnosis. But God guided us. 

He allowed us to miraculously get an appointment at Johns Hopkins; He provided a way to get oxygen delivered to the house at the last minute; He gave us connections to speed up the process of medicaid and social security. He turned my darkness into light. When I was sick, in pain, and believed lies thinking there was no point in living in pain. These rough places HE made level ground. Only He has done these things. Only He will never forsake me.

2. Thank God

This journey has reminded me of Job, a man from the Bible who was blameless and one who feared God. He had 10 children, lots of animals, many servants and turned away from evil. In the first chapter of Job, Satan approaches the Lord saying that he has been “going to and fro on the earth, and walking up and down on it.” Then the Lord says the following, “Have you considered my servant Job ... Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.”

In 7 verses Satan takes away all of Job’s property, animals, and children. What? Why would God allow this to happen? Just like Job, I experienced some “taking away” myself. God allowed me to get sick, He put me in this trial, He made me take a medical withdrawal from school when I was only a few semesters away from finishing my undergraduate degree. This is not the plan I had for myself. I should be angry with God that He gave me this trial. That was my response in the difficult times during this trial. After hearing that all of Job’s property and children were taken from him this was his response:

“Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped.”

He did what?! Yes, Job fell on the ground and worshiped God. He continues by saying the following, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Most of us can say that this is certainly not the first response we have when faced with a trial - probably because we are sinners living in a fallen world. [surprise!] 

God has given us so much in this life: salvation, family & friends, being able to live in America, and so much more than we deserve. Why are we so quick to accuse God of trials in our lives when we should be more like Job. “In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.” He did not know why he lost everything, I don’t know why I got sick, and although it will be frustrating at times we know that somehow God has a plan.

3. Historical Scholars and Acquaintances

Pretty much a self-explanatory point. There are so many scripture verses and quotes from godly Christians on the topic of suffering. Here is a compile of a select few which I have been encouraged with the past 6 months.

• "Never shall you come into such a position that Christ cannot aid you. No pinch shall ever arrive in your spiritual affairs in which Jesus Christ shall not be equal to the emergency, for your history has all been foreknown and provided for in Jesus." [Charles Spurgeon]
  
  
• “God is completely sovereign. God is infinite in wisdom. God is perfect in love. God in His love always wills what is best for us. In His wisdom He always knows what is best, and in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about.” [Jerry Bridges]
  
  
• "The same God who directs the earth in its orbit, who feeds the burning furnace of the sun, and trims the lamps of heaven has promised to supply you with daily strength. While He is able to uphold the universe, do not dream that He will prove unable to fulfill His own promises...Will He who created the world grow weary? He hangs the world upon nothing; will He who does this be unable to support His children? Will He be unfaithful to His word for lack of power?" [CH Spurgeon]
  
  
• "For thus says the Lord: Just as I have brought all this great disaster upon this people, so I will bring upon them all the good that I promise them." [Jeremiah 32:42]
  
  
• "O child of suffering, be patient; God has not passed over you in His providence. He who is the feeder of sparrows will also furnish you with what you need. Do not sit in despair; hope on, hope ever. Take up the arms of faith against a sea of trouble, and your opposition shall yet end your distresses. There is One who cares for you. His eye is fixed on you, His heart beats with pity for your woe, and His omnipotent hand shall bring you the needed help. The darkest cloud shall scatter itself in showers of mercy. The blackest gloom shall give place to the morning. He, if you are one of His family, will bind up your wounds and heal your broken heart. Do not doubt His grace because of your tribulation, but believe that He loves you as much in seasons of trouble as in times of happiness ... If God cares for you, why do you need to care too? Can you trust Him for your soul and not for your body? He has never refused to bear your burdens; He has never fainted under their weight. Come, then, soul! Say good-bye to anxiety and leave all your concerns in the hand of a gracious God." [Charles Spurgeon]
  
  
• "If there is a great trial in your life today, do not own it as a defeat, but continue, by faith, to claim the victory through Him who is able to make you more than conqueror, and a glorious victory will soon be apparent. Let us learn that in all the hard places God brings us into, He is making opportunities for us to exercise such faith in Him as will bring about blessed results and greatly glorify His name." [Streams in the Desert]
  
  
• “God is too good to be unkind and he is too wise to be mistaken. And when we cannot trace his hand, we must trust his heart.” [Charles Spurgeon]

So can you tell I like Charles Spurgeon? Trust me, there are many more wonderful quotes out there. But if I shared them all with you, this might be one of the longest blog posts in history. One day I might just have to post all of my favorite quotes, but not this time.

Suffering is not fun or pleasant, but suffering brings us closer to God. I know that my short time of suffering is nothing compared to some people out there who have been in trials and suffered for many years. But I have found that maybe through my suffering and experience I might in the future be able to comfort those who are also suffering.

Back in April, when everything was first new, I remember going to the Easter service at our church. So you know how parents are sometimes like: “okay, don’t talk long with all your friends because we are going to leave right after church because we have to get ready for people to come over to the house/go somewhere.” Well, if you understand “parent lingo” then you basically means half an hour or more after church ended you are ready to go and haven’t talked to your friends that long because you were leaving right after church, but your parents are the ones still talking.

Well, this was one of those Sundays. I was sitting in a seat in the auditorium waiting for my parents to finish talking when a man and his wife came up to me and started talking with me (and eventually my parents once they stopped talking). I didn’t know them well but knew who they were because of going to the same school as their kids and helping out with our church’s youth administration team. 

The lady then proceeded to tell me that when she was 16 years old she was diagnosed with the same cancer I was just diagnosed with. She was in a higher stage than I was, but listening to her story was the most encouraging thing I listened to in this whole 6 months. I will always remember what she said to me, “All of the doctors are going to tell you a lot of different things. They are going to be all technical and you will be overwhelmed. Don’t listen to anything they say. They told me that I was going to lose my hair and wouldn’t be able to have any kids. Well, I didn’t lose any of my hair during treatment, and 30 years later I have 4 beautiful children. Trusting in God is a lot better than trusting in doctors.” I hope that one day, I might be able to share my story and encourage someone who is struggling, just like this sister in Christ encouraged me and my family.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort." [2 Corinthians 1:3-7]