Looking just how far we've come.
Knowing that for every step,
You were with us."
[matt.redman]
I remember it was a Wednesday. I was laying in my parent's bed feeling sick and nauseous.
I was a third of the way done with treatment and had just completed my first PET scan a few days before. For the PET scan they injected me with radiation sugar and I had the privilege of drinking nasty contrast. I sat for an hour and a half, in complete darkness, and allowed the radiation sugar to do it's work. The doctors explained to my uneducated medical brain that if there were any cancer cells in my body, the radiation sugar would gravitate to it. And when I had the actually scan, the active cancer cells would light up like a christmas tree.
As I was laying in my parent's bed my mom's phone rang.
"Andi. It's the doctor."
"Hello?"
"Hi Andi. It's Doctor K. I just wanted to call and let you know that we got the results from your PET scan. Nothing lit up and it looks like the tumor has shrunk."
She continued to explain that I would still have to continue treatment because it was just like taking antibiotics for a cold - even though you feel better, you have to finish out the prescription. We hung up the phone and the tears of gratefulness started to pour. My mom immediately called my dad and other family members and I started texting friends.
I knew that because I had to still continue treatments I wasn't in complete remission yet. But that doesn't really matter. I will always remember this day as the day that God healed me. In less than 2 months of intense chemo and sickness, it was God that removed all active cancer cells from my body. Not just some of them, all of them.
It's difficult to understand why God allows some to be healed while others fight until their last breath. It doesn't make sense to me that God would heal me. But honestly, I don't think I will ever understand God's plan this side of eternity. What good does it do for me to question the way God works? Instead, it is better to be grateful for what God has given me and use my life serving Him and loving others.
"Why dost thou worry thyself? What use can thy fretting serve? Thou art on board a vessel which thou couldst not steer even if the great Captain put thee at the helm, of which thou couldst not so much as reef a sail. Yet thou worriest as if thou wert captain and helmsman. Oh, be quiet; God is Master!" [streams in the desert]
Looking back on the past two years, if there was one thing to emphasize, I would remind you that God never leaves us. Sure. Those of us who have grown up in a Christian home know the right thing to say during trials is to "not worry. God has a plan and he will never leave you." Well speaking from experience, it is definitely harder to believe that when you are walking through a trial.
But the truth is that never once will God leave you on your own. Never once will he leave you to walk your trial alone. Even when your days seem dark and without hope and you might not be able to "see" God or feel His presence, He is always with you, guiding you, every step of the way.
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." _Deuteronomy 31:8
