Dear God, Thanks for Giving Me Cancer

"Though You slay me,
Yet I will praise You.
Though You take from me,
I will bless Your name."

[shane + shane]

Have you ever looked back on a year and thought to yourself, "Man. That was a crappy year"? Well, for me, that was 2012. From January to March I experienced symptoms from a disease I didn't know I had. At the end of March we found out it was cancer. We spent the next 6 months traveling to Hopkins for an intensive round of chemotherapy every other week. And on the non-treatment days we still went to Hopkins for blood work and doctors visits. Then, from October to December I was recovering and gaining back my energy and strength. If there was one word to sum up the year of 2012, it would be "cancer."

If I were to look back on the year of 2014, the one word I would use to describe the year would be "death." Some of the deaths personally affected me and my family, others affected close friends of ours, and others just made me question the sovereignty of God and why bad things happen.

Car accident involving middle school and high school students.

Cancer.

Brain Tumors.

Car accident leaving a 4th grader in a hospital with weeks of physical therapy.

Miscarriages.

Drunk driving car accident.

Stroke.

Cardiac Arrest. 

Heart Failure.

Plane crash into a house killing 3 passengers and a mom with 2 young children.

Death.

Let's be honest, suffering sucks and doesn't make sense. According to scripture, suffering began when Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:23-24). Human beings were not created to experience death, pain, grief, disappointment, ruptured relationships, disease. We were created to live in paradise. And with the hope of heaven, one day we will. 

There is a fine line between the difference sovereignty of God and the will of God. Yes, as a Christian I know that God is sovereign over everything, but is it in God's will, God's plan, for a sophomore in high school to die in a car accident? I think the important thing to understand is that suffering is both just and unjust. God is also both a sovereign and a suffering God. 

My famous friend Tim Keller once wrote that, "Jesus' suffering and death was a great act of injustice, but it was also part of the set plan of God." God is the sovereign ruler over all the world. But the same sovereign God, sent Jesus to earth to become a human so that he would die a cruel death on a cross for the redemption of His people. If Jesus hadn't taken our place on the cross, enduring the wrath of God, there would be no hope of heaven. See, God's plan might include bad things, but ultimately there are no accidents.

Instead of focusing on the sufferings of 2014, I am choosing to look back on this year and remember the good things God has done.

Operation Bunny Bunny

In January some friends and other members of my church, hopped on a plane and went on a top secret mission to a land where everything was covered in honey and flowed of freshly squeezed pomegranate juice on every corner.

Met new friends who became family

In May, I met a group of new friends. They are mostly all college-age students, from a variety of different churches in the area, who are on fire for Jesus. Memorial Day weekend, 60+ people crammed in two beach houses in Nags Head and the rest was history. Now, I can't imagine my life without knowing these people.

Dominican Republic

Being on the youth administrative team for my church, I was able to travel with a team of youthlings to the Dominican Republic for a missions trip and some site seeing. We spent a week in Santiago partnering with a local church doing Vacation Bible School lessons for street kids and in neighborhoods near families from the church. Every day we were exhausted, and the language barrier didn't help. But every day we experienced God's grace and blessing in ways that we couldn't have imagined. We saw young kids give their lives to God, ask deep questions about faith, and were able to plant Gospel seeds in Santiago. Within a week, acquaintances from the local church soon became dear friends who we will never forget.

the daily game of "how many people can we fit in a van?"

best VBS group ever

dominican son

Engagements + Weddings

This was definitely the year of engagements and weddings. As Carrie Underwood would say, "there must have been something in the water." But seriously. Next year is going to be awesome. 

So, why the title "Dear God, Thanks for Giving Me Cancer"? Well, in April one of my dear friends found out she had a cancerous brain tumor. She has had a few surgeries and will have to undergo chemo treatments. But a few months ago, after finding out some not so good news from the doctor, she came up to me and said, "You know Andi, you're the one that has kept me going through this time. Knowing that you made it through cancer helps me at every doctors appointment and every blood transfusion."

I don't tell you this story to make much of myself. But I tell you this story to show the power of God working through suffering. It's taken me 2 1/2 years to understand why God gave me cancer. I don't know why bad things happen to good people. But I do know that in the midst of trials and suffering, God is doing something good and there is always something to be thankful for. 

You may have had a crappy year just like me. But I encourage you to look back on this year with gratefulness and thankfulness and remember all the blessings God has given you. "Though You slay me, yet I will praise You. Though You take from me, I will bless Your name." And maybe one day you will look back on your trials and say, "Dear God, thanks for ______" despite how painful your suffering was. Why? Because God is more powerful than cancer, death, and suffering.