The story of undeserved grace? What in the world is she talking about? Well, about 2000 years ago there was this man named Jesus who was born, was tempted but lived a perfect life without sin, then died on a wooden cross to save His people from their sins. Say whaat? Yes. This Jesus died the death that I deserved so that sinful creatures like me can experience a new life full of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. This is my story. [I apologize in advance for the lengthy-ness of this post]
I was blessed to grow up in a Christian family who made going to church a priority. I was one of those "church kids" who never did anything super rebellious or terrible. I knew all the “Christian” things to say and considered myself a Christian because I went to church and because my parents were Christians.
The summer before beginning my high school years our family started a very new chapter in our lives. Dad got a job offer from a good friend, which caused us to move north...to Maryland. I didn't know anyone, the church we were going to be attending was much larger than the small church I was use to and I would lie if I told you that this move was easy for me. Let's just say that there were many times that I was upset with God from moving me away from my home of 14 years to this new place and I was not super excited with my parents' decision. Little did I know, moving to Maryland was God’s perfect plan for me.
The months passed on and I was making friends and learning how to deal with things like rush hour traffic. Before beginning 9th grade at the small, private school that met in the basement of my church, I attended the church's annual youth retreat. The last night of the retreat they asked anyone who wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit to step forward. I ended up going forward with a new friend and prayed with her and my dad to be filled with the Holy Spirit and rededicated my life to God. Four years later at my last youth retreat before my senior year of high school, I was baptized and made a public declaration of my faith and live the rest of my life for Jesus.
I graduated from high school (blah blah blah...) and then got my Associates degree from the local community college. I then transfered to George Mason University and worked as a Resident Advisor for a special needs program. My students were wonderful, I worked with a great staff, I was still close to family, and I was able to participate in a church minutes away from campus. I was off on my own being all independent, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with myself after college. Life was going swell.
Then came the speed bumps. During my first year at Mason I experience much exhaustion and tiredness. Went to the doctor and was diagnosed with being Vitamin D deficient. Boom - problems solved? False. Symptoms persisted and got worse. I still was overly tired, didn't get much sleep, and developed bug bite type rashes all over my body. But I pressed on and continued back with school, my R.A. work, and church participation.
But after many requests by family members in February of this year I went to see a family doctor. I could now add anemia and Lymes disease to my list of health problems. A month and a half after being diagnosed with Lymes I went back for a check up with the doctor. Less than 24 hours later the doctor called my dad with the blood test results. This was more than just Lymes. I had cancer - Stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma to be exact.
Yeah...so I was a year and a half short of finishing college and ended up coming home to live with my parents and took a medical withdrawal from school. This was definitely not in the picture perfect life I had for myself. But there was One person who did.
There was lots of uncertainty and many emotions as I faced hospital visits and a biopsy on an inflamed lymph node in my neck. Looking back God was in every decision that was made, even if we didn't know it at the time. God made it possible for me to apply and receive Maryland Medicaid assistance because my parents lived in Maryland and I was getting my primary care from them. Also because my Aunt use to work on Capitol Hill, she had connections which allowed all the technical Medicaid and Social Security papers to be processed and accepted in just 3 months - where sometimes it can be 6 months to a year before getting accepted.
Some treatments haven’t been easy, there have been times when I’ve been sick and in extreme pain, and I have definitely had many emotional break downs. There have been times where God has seemed very far away, and times when it seemed like there was no hope. I have questioned His love for me during this time, asking why He would let a 22 year old like me experience such sickness. And right when you think all is lost and there is no point in living something miraculous happens.
After 2 months of treatment I had my first PET scan which showed that there was no cancer activity in my body. The doctors were amazed at the results and my family and I were so grateful for the mercy of God in my life.
So why am I telling you this story? Why did I decide to write a blog about my story of undeserved grace? It is certainly not to show you how in my own strength I have been able to get through this trial, or any struggle in this life. But ultimately this is a story of my mighty, powerful Savior, Jesus Christ, who has healed me and has never let me walk alone.
The past 5 months have not been all unicorns and rainbows. But each day, even through times of being faithless, God has proven Himself to be faithful. I pray that none of you have to experience anything like the trial I have been walking through. But remember whatever speed bump that you experience that doesn't fit in to your cookie cutter planned life, you remember that there is an amazing God who loves you and has planned out your days before you were born.
