Jesus + Nothing = Everything

"Through the fire and storm,
Lord my heart is yours.
I will trust with hands held high."
[annie.lawrence]

During our lives we tend to remember exactly where we were when certain "big" events happen. For example, we can probably all remember where we were when we first heard about the September 11th terrorist attacks. Or, for the 'older' folks, remembering where you were with JFK was assassinated. Well, it's been exactly a little over a year now since I had one of those big moments that I will never forget.

It was June 6, 2012. This was the second day during that week I took my hour long trip up to Baltimore. Except this trip would be a little different. This trip I was doing my 3 month scans which only consisted of a PET scan, to check for active cancer cells. I couldn't eat anything 6 hours or so before my test. This meant that around 5am that day, my mom came in my room with a pop tart which I ate as I was half asleep.

We got to Hopkins, found a wheelchair for me, and commenced on our journey to find where we were suppose to go. We went into the basement depths of Hopkins and all the walls were a nasty shade of yellow. I filled out all my patient information forms, and then the fun really began. I had the great privilege of drinking some nasty liquid, George - my PICC line - was flushed out and radiation sugar was injected. And then I sat. and sat. AND sat. for an hour and a half, with the lights turned off, no music or phone, blankets covered over me, and a stomach that was growling like a lion.

The point of sitting for an hour and a half was to let the radiation sugar do its work. Once injected in my body it would gravitate toward any active cancer cells in my body. When I was done sitting I was taken over to the large tunnel shaped machine, where I laid flat on my back for another hour or so as they did the two different scan parts. Then everything was magically finished, I was free to go, returned to my parents and swiftly went to Potbelly's down in the Baltimore Harbor to get food.

The next day I woke up, the sun was shining, and new mercies awaited. Although I do not remember the exact details of that day there is one moment I will remember forever. Mom and I were upstairs watching tv or something, and then her phone rang. It was my doctor, with the results of my PET scan. She said that everything looked good, the tumor had shrunk, and there was no sign of cancer activity.

I was healed.

Even though I knew God had healed me I still knew many other people who were going through difficult trials and don't have answers to their trials. So how do you hope in God, or trust in God when you don't have the answers. In the past few weeks I have been thinking about this concept. How do we hope in someone we have never seen?

We can hope because we have a living hope. Why does knowing this make a difference? His hope - God's living hope - will not fail and lasts eternally. For me, getting to rock bottom was getting to the point where all I could do is trust in God. There were times I thought that God didn't see the pain I was going through, times I thought God didn't love me because after all, who would want to love a sick girl. God sees, God knows, God loves us so much that he sent His one and only son to die for us. How can we not hope in him.

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus." _Ephesians 2:4-7

Hoping in God is trusting in the sovereignty of God. Hoping in God is making Him your foundation. Some of us might be in a waiting period - waiting for answers, waiting for changes - but God has a reason for the specific waiting season that we are in. Take time to learn during this waiting period.

Last year wasn't something that I would ever want to go through again and I am thankful that God has healed me. But God taught me so much during that time, and is still teaching me things today. I can be weak, I can face daily disappointments, not because of anything I can do for myself, but because Jesus is strong. Our ability is anchored on what Jesus has already done. Since our security is in Christ we can live our lives for Him. And because of Jesus' finished work for me, everything I longed for in Christ, I already had.

June 7, 2013

There Were Never Such Devoted Sisters

"I was thinking just today,
About how we used to play,
Barbie dolls and make-up,
Tea parties dress up.
Wish we were kids again.
My sister, my friend."
[Reba.McEntire]

When my mom was four years old, she met this girl named Kay.
They went to each other's weddings.
They were there for the births of children.
They comforted each other and laughed.
They have never lived more than 2 1/2 hours away from each other.
They enjoyed many adventures together.
Fifty plus years later, they have remained best friends.
This is where our story begins.

As far back as I can remember, the Mills family has been an important part of my life. Affectionately known as "Momma" Kay and "Daddy" Ron, they are not only dear friends, but they are family. And being part of the family comes countless stories and many memories from over the years.

my 18th birthday party

My brother and I always considered their three kids - Hope, Joseph, and Karri - the older siblings we never had. We became experts as we tried to beat Joseph in James Bond: Golden Eye on the Nintendo 64. We played in the secret play room behind my dad's closet in our old house. We made up funny stories. We took beach trips together. Our families both had pop-up trailers, so camping was a tradition - where we made a secret fort in the woods, which I'm sure we could still find to this day.

Karri and I are only five years apart, and when I was younger I always thought of her as being "so much older than me." One thing that I appreciate about her is that even when she was in high school she never thought of herself as being "too cool" to hang out with me. She had her close friends, but it meant so much to know that I had someone who would play PacMan or Sonic on the Sega [yes folks, we are going real old school] with me, who would spend time talking with me about life, or who would even sing at the top of our lungs Destiny's Child and K-Ci and Jojo together.

somewhere in Charlottesville with red-eye

my 18th birthday party

girls weekend to Lancaster

bridal shower

Two years ago I took a trip down to Roanoke to attend two friends graduation from Virginia Tech. Well, it just so happened that Karri's special someone was also graduating from Tech. This was the first time that I met Brandon. I met them in a parking lot on campus anticipating meeting this guy who was dating my sister. The song lyrics of the popular song from White Christmas ran through my head... "Lord help the mister, who comes between me and my sister..."

After being introduced he politely shook my hand and said that Karri had told him so much about me. What he didn't know was that he was about to under-go some serious sister interrogation. We traveled downtown and ate lunch at little place called Cabo's where we enjoyed each other's conversation and the best lemon shrimp tacos I have ever tasted. If you all are ever in Blacksburg, you will regret not going there.

Our short visit came to an end and we had to part our separate ways. Already saying my goodbyes to Karri and giving her one of those long sister hugs, I said goodbye to Brandon and told him it was nice to meet him. Being the good ol' country boy that he is, just saying goodbye wasn't enough. He came over and gave me a hug. Maybe he was making sure that he made a good impression on the little sister that he had heard so much about, or maybe he was just being a friendly, southern boy. Either way I knew this guy was a keeper in the family.

they make pretty faces...

Well, on a cold October morning during a sunrise hike, Brandon asked Karri those four simple words: "will you marry me?" Enthusiastically she said yes. And I could not be happier for her. My big sister who I always looked up to, who made me laugh, who makes the best duck noise, was finally engaged. Now I have the awesome opportunity to watch as she falls in love with her best friend. 

Karri Marie - I will forever be grateful for that day our moms met and became life-long friends. I can't imagine my childhood/life without you. I am thrilled that the day you have dreamt of since you were a kid has finally come. And I am honored to share your special day with you not only as your sister, but as one of your bridesmaids.

Mr. Brandon - Take care of her. Treat her well. And if you don't, prepare for the wrath of all three of her siblings.

Back to the Beginning

"He feels our weakness, knows our need
And for our good He intercedes.
All is well because of God's great love.
Through every failure, every fear
The Lord of comfort draws us near.
And all is well because of God's great love."
[sovgrace.music]

One year ago...
It was just a normal day.
I had a nutritious breakfast of cereal,
Then headed across the street to the ghetto Giant to drop of medicine.
Gatorade on sale? Sweet. I'll take three.
Grabbed some Cliff Bars, picked up my medicine, then headed off to class.
After a not so thrilling class I headed to my cousin's house for lunch.
Then, everything changed.

Dad had been doing some remodeling at my cousins house less than 10 minutes from school. So whenever I had a break from classes and RA duty I would go over and spend quality time sleeping on their comfy couch.

When I got to my cousin's house I was affectionately greeted by both my dad and my cousin (who was working from home). We sat in the living room, ate pizza for lunch [we are really big on nutrition] and just talked about life. My cousin asked me how school was, my students, etc. During our lunch time my uncle called me. I answered unsure why he was calling me...

"hello?"
"andrea. why are you answering your dad's phone."
"um, this is my phone."
"oh..."

[this is what happens when your name and your dad's name is different by only 1 letter]

I gave the phone to my dad and he went out front to talk to him, while my cousin and I continued to enjoy our pizza and conversation. He came back inside and sat down next to me on the couch and said something that I will never forget.

"andi. the doctor called back this morning. you are really sick. you have cancer."

Nothing could have prepared me for this moment. But yet here I was, in the middle of my cousin's living room, eating pizza. We said goodbye to my cousin and dad took me back home to maryland. It was the longest 40 minute drive I have ever experienced. But, it was full of texting RA co-workers to let them know what was going on and phone calls with good friends who shared scripture with me and prayed for me.

I expected to come home to just my mom and brother, but got so much more. Two of our very good friends were there waiting for us. They were there to comfort my mom and brother. They were there to pray with us and for me. Later my pastor and my parent's pastor came by to also pray for me. Later on that day my best friend came by to visit and make me laugh. This my friends, is the body of Christ at work.

After that day, I guess you could say the rest is history. We didn't know what was in store for us. We didn't know where I would go for treatment. We didn't even know what kind of cancer I had. But we knew that we serve a powerful God.

That weekend I came home was the last weekend of the current Youth Drama Production at our church. They were performing "Acts" - an original play written by the talented Cathy Mays [which I also happened to be apart of when I was in high school]. If you have been to any of these youth drama plays you know that they are nothing more than moving. And if you know the story of Acts, you know that the story of Paul's journey and suffering is inspiring.

After God revealed himself to Paul on the road to Damascus, nothing could keep him from sharing the gospel of Christ. Even through suffering, Paul knew that God had him there for a reason. And he trusted that God knew what He was doing, even if Paul didn't.

The next few days after coming home were uncertain. We didn't know where the road before us was leading. My parents spent countless hours driving to different offices trying to figure out the legal aspects of what was going on. I would be lying if I told you that everything was peachy in those few days. We trusted God even when we didn't know what was before us.

I remember leaving the youth drama production that night and seeing one of my dear friends, Brittany. We were talking about everything that was going on and in the middle of the conversation she gasped and said that she would be right back. She went downstairs to her office and grabbed the newest CD that was published by Sovereign Grace Music. That CD became one of our family's favorite albums to listen to during this time. The title of the album was "From Age to Age" and each song talked about how through all the ages God remains the same and He remains faithful.

Looking back on this past year, there is nothing I can do but to be grateful for what God has done. There were times where the road was uncertain and there were many times where the road was painful and difficult. During this time not only did my family grow closer together as we trusted and depended on God to get us through, but I truly understood the meaning of the body of Christ.

One year ago, everything changed. Within that year God tested me, I experienced suffering like I had never experienced before, but I also experienced more grace than I have ever experienced before. I can tell you many funny stories about doctor's visits, or hospitals, or how delusional I was on meds. But more importantly, I can tell you that our God is faithful and continues to be faithful even in the darkest of trials. If there is anything that I have learned from this whole experience, it has been that our God is unchanging and that the same God who was faithful to Paul so many years ago continues to be faithful to each and every one of us today.

Youthlings with a Passion

"Not to us, but to your name alone,
Be all the glory, the glory forever.
For your faithfulness and steadfast love,
Receive the glory, the glory belongs to you."
[sovgrace.music]

I remember during my first year in high school, after my family had moved, many of my friends were involved in a youth drama production at our church. You could say that these plays were one of the highlights of the school year. They were full of fantastic youth using the gifts of theater and song to glorify God and advance His kingdom. Of course productions would not happen if there was not a highly trained director guiding us. Cathy Mays has not only been doing productions for many years now, but enjoys doing it. I don't know why should would want to spend her time with 50+ youthlings or even how she manages to deal with each and every aspect of putting together a show, but every year she steps up to the plate.

During my sophomore and senior years of high school I was blessed to participate in shows. Many of my friends were in the shows each year so I was excited to spend time with them in a non-school setting. Well, from October to March/April we sure did spend a LOT of time together. Sometimes maybe even too much time. We spent countless hours together singing, dancing, acting, laughing, etc. You could always look back on these times and remember the special memories you had together.

Last summer when I realized that I was not going back to George Mason I knew that I would have a lot of extra time and wanted to serve in some way. I was already serving on the youth admin team, and after emailing Mrs. Mays, I was now administratively involved in helping out with this year's play: "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat" - which just happend to be the same play that I was in my senior year of high school. Talk about having memories flooding back.

These high school students never cease to amaze me. Not only are they all super talented, but they are super humble. Their passion and love for Jesus is evident in the way that they desire to use their talent not to bring glory to themselves, but to bring glory to God and advance His gospel through acting.

But it is also no surprise that when you spend countless hours with each other close friendships begin to develop. We have become one big happy family. They have not only cared for each other as a cast, but have also cared for those individuals who are helping this production come to live. The guys even surprised all the girls one night by singing a heart felt Jason Mraz song during dinner and giving each girl in the cast a rose and all the female staff a small bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day.

There have also been many times where I have been stressed with school, or not feeling well and the thought of going to a rehearsal is not the thing I want to do. But once you get there, everything changes. They constantly prayed for me when I was sick. They rejoiced with me and my family after my positive 3 month check up at Hopkins. They prayed for me when I was studying for and taking my Praxis exam. They celebrated with me when I passed the Praxis exam. They sang happy birthday to me 4 times during rehearsal. And even some girls brought me a cake for my birthday.

And of course, no production would be complete without the cast and crew having an uncanny ability to make you laugh multiple times at rehearsals.

team Jacob + sons > team Edward and team Jacob

These last few months I have realized that being administratively involved in the production is a lot different than actually being in the play. It involves thinking about and planning for each rehearsal. It involves teaching and re-teaching parts. It involves constantly telling high schoolers to be quiet and listen to instruction.

But it is also quiet rewarding. I mean, who wouldn't want to have play songs stuck in your head every single day? Or have nightmares about things going wrong during the productions? Or wake up in the middle of the night doing the hand motions to different songs?

In the last 5 months I think that I have listened to and watched run throughs at least 50 times [hence why I am singing these songs to myself as I am going to sleep]. The cast, and those helping, are very very familiar with the story of Joseph. But each and every time I am overwhelmed at the love and mercy of God. Despite our sin, despite our selfishness, God still graciously opens His arms for us to run back to Him.

We may go through trials and wonder if God even cares, or if God is even with us during our trials. Friends, even if we don't feel like God is with us, He is interceding for us. He loves us, and He has a plan for each of our lives, even if we don't understand what that plan is.

"I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." [Job 42:2]

If you are in the Maryland/Virginia/DC area, please consider coming to see these passionate youth re-tell the amazing story of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. For more information please visit our church's website.

Going to the Chapel

"Someday when you're looking back on your life
At the memories, this is gonna be one of those nights."
[tim.mcgraw]

My best friend was falling in love and I went and surprised her for the weekend. The time with her was spent going to Half Price Books, exploring this amazing antique store called Peddlers, getting lost in this huge 2-story forever 21, and of course lots of laughter. But, this visit wouldn't be complete if we didn't talk about boys. She wanted to know what was going on in my "like life" while I wanted to know how her and Drew were doing in their relationship. One night while I was there, we sat on her bed and watched some girly chick flick on Netfilx and once it was done she exclaimed, "Andi! Have you seen my wedding board on Pinterest?" Which then led us to talk about weddings, what colors she wanted to have, what styles of dresses her bridesmaids were going to wear, etc.

Well, it was January 23rd. I had just finished up my online winter class that I was taking [side note: taking 16 weeks worth of educational psychology information in 2 1/2 weeks..? You might as well start digging your grave. But thankfully I passed]. I texted DJ since I hadn't talked to her in a while because I was busy dying of educational psychology. So I told her how God had been encouraging me recently and given me peace in my circumstances. And then of course I asked her about what was happening with her "future things."

I'm good. :) drew has been talking with my parents more. and having tons of meetings with our pastor. and 2 really big things, we are talking about apartments, budgets, and rings. And I tried on rings!!! We were at peddlers and he asked if I would try some on so he could see what stuff looked like on my finger. Oh man! Talk about butterflies!!!!!! And he was talking like he knew all this stuff about rings and settings and styles and everything!!!

Me being the encouraging friend I am, then proceeded to ask her if there was going to be a wedding this winter or next spring and when I would need to order my plane ticket to Kentucky. To which my dear friend responded, "Haha! Wedding... we'll decide that when he proposes. He promised it would be this year though! :)"

On February 6th Drew flew to Maryland for 2 weeks to work for his parents and earn more money. DJ would text me and tell me that she was a mess and how she "doesn't do well when he is not around." Then next day I got a text from her saying that she was coming to maryland. Her wonderful boyfriend bought her a ticket to come up here for 4 days to spend time with her family and friends. I was so excited to be able to see her, but I knew there were a lot of things going on that weekend for me and I was going to be busy. So we immediately started planning when I could see her. Since I didn't have class until noon the Monday she would be here I told her that maybe we could grab starbucks or something before I had to go to class. It was a date.

Fast-forward to Monday, February 11th.

It was just a normal day. I got up, did my normal morning routine, went to school, barely stayed awake in my classes, came home and started doing homework in my room. All of a sudden my phone started vibrating. So I looked to see who was calling. It was Drew. Something you need to know: Drew never texts me OR calls me. Knowing this I hesitantly picked up the phone...

me: hello?

drew: hi andi! how are you?

me: good. happy birthday by the way! how are you?

drew: pretty good. so I have a favor to ask of you. are you going to be around this weekend?

me: yeah I should be. I have rehearsal on Friday and Saturday and have to do homework. But I should be around. why? 

drew: well, on Saturday I'm proposing to DJ when she comes. And I was thinking that you could take pictures and we could do something similar to the whole freaking out about Nutter Butters like you did when I cam and asked her out.

Shut. Up. Excuse me?

drew: oh. by the way, this is kind of a surprise. so don't tell anything to DJ.

Well, we talked for 7 whole minutes about how this was going to work out. I hung up the phone and immediately ran in my parent's room and told my mom. Did Drew know I text DJ everyday? Did he know how hard of a secret this was going to be to keep?? Well, once that phone call was done I have to admit, I tried my best to focus on finishing reading about the History of American Education. But, happiness got the best of me and I ended up on Pinterest looking at engagement pictures.

Now, I needed to convince DJ that Saturday was the only day I could hang out with her. After I had calmed down a little from that phone call I texted DJ and told her that I was super stressed with school and I had a lot of homework to do that week and due the following week. So I told her that the time on Monday before my class I should probably use to do homework. Then I asked her if we could hang out Saturday after her flight came in. The response? "I'll have to ask drew!" Perfect.

Fast-forward again.

It was FINALLY Saturday. I was just about dying with anticipation of her arrival and what was going to happen that day. I don't know how I survived keeping that secret for 5 days, but somehow made it through. I was up early for play rehearsal and I received this wonderful text:

Now, I just had to make it through rehearsal and get home and get ready for the 'big event' that was about to happen. I got home, ran around my house like a chicken with it's head cut off, got my camera from upstairs and put my dad's lens on it and laid it next to his photography equipment in the dining room to make it not look suspicious. Then, I anxiously did homework in the basement until 2:30 when Drew and I decided that he would drop DJ off. 

I heard a knock on the front door and dad's loud footsteps walking to answer the door. I ran upstairs and embraced my dear friend with excitement [she had no idea what was about to happen]. She said goodbye to Drew and we headed downstairs to my basement. I went to where I was sitting on the couch doing homework and buried myself in a blanket in front of the space heater. She followed behind me and asked if she could get a blanket and take her shoes off.

dj: wait. I can take my shoes off. we're not going anywhere are we?
me: no we're not going anywhere. we'll just hang out. make yourself comfortable.

Before you all start telling me that I am a bad friend and that I lied to her, I didn't. I simply meant that we weren't going anywhere in the next half an hour. So, we sat on the couch talking and catching up. A while ago she found some old letters that we wrote to each other back in high school - before the age of texting. And let me tell you something. If you ever want to be humbled, find old letters you wrote to your best friend and re-read them. So rich of wonderfulness. We read through all 3 or 4 of the letters I had written to her over the course of high school. Finally, I received the text.

drew: okay. I'm here. come out and tell me where I have to stand for you to take pictures

How was I going to transition to talking about old high school memories and needing to get upstairs and outside??

me: oh! so this morning before rehearsal I went to giant and got my choir girls lollipops because they have done such a good job this week with music and motions and acting, etc. and while I was there I grabbed some Nutter Butters in honor of your visit. But I was so busy after rehearsal that I left them in the car. can I go get them and then I'll come right back?
dj: sure!

awesome. stage 1 was complete. I grabbed my phone and headed upstairs. I got my coat out of the closet and grabbed my camera that was sitting on the floor. Went outside and shut the door. Drew was standing out front and I started explaining how she didn't suspect anything and how perfect this was. Until I realized that the door was probably locked and he wouldn't be able to go through the front door. Plan B: open the garage door. We walked around to the side of my house and I showed him where I was going to be hiding and where he needed to stand/kneel in order for me to take pictures. He departed and started walking inside while I hid on the side of the house.

As a photographer, you always imagine that things will perfectly work out. Well, let's just say they didn't. To begin with, when I first got into my little hiding place I stepped in a big pile of mud. Secondly, while I was waiting for him to go inside and bring her outside, my smart photographer brain decided that it would be a good idea to take a test picture to make sure all my settings were correct. I turned on my camera and took my test picture. There was nothing. My camera was not taking any pictures. Frantically I tried to figure out what was wrong, realizing that they would be out any minute. I found out that my battery was too dead to take any pictures. I jumped out of my little mud pile hiding spot and ran back through the garage to see if Drew was still outside. He wasn't. I contemplated going inside to get my other battery but there was no time. Breathe Andi. Breathe. I ran back to my hiding spot and remembered that my phone was in my pocket. Who says that you can't use 21st century inventions like iPhones to take pictures of your best friend getting proposed to??

So there I stood. In the mud, awaiting one of the most exciting things in my life, with my iPhone. And then, it happened.

After many gasps, tears of joy, and a random skater kid who walked passed them during the middle of the proposal, my best friend was now finally engaged. I started to feel awkwardly intrusive on their "moment", so I climbed out of my hiding spot and went inside to get the camera battery I had been charging earlier that day. I came down to the dining room to change batteries and since the door was open and they were standing out in front of the house, I figured that I would make up from earlier and take pictures.

They eventually came inside and celebrated with myself and my parents. My dad asked them what they were going to do next, and Drew happily said that they had a pretty packed schedule. So we both got in our cars and went our separate ways. They went up the street to DJ's other bestie's house and had a private celebration moment with her and her family, while I went to Drew's parent's house where the engagement party would soon happen. 

Gathered were Drew's parents, DJ's parents and siblings, and some of DJ and Drew's close friends. There was also lots of yummy food. We were standing in the kitchen talking when the door opened and Nick, our "look out", came in and asked us if they were driving a green car. I said yes, and we all waited to congratulate them. "What do we yell? 'Surprise'? 'Congratulations'?" Well, I think it ending up being a mixture of both. "SURPRATULATIONS!!!!"

"guys! I'm getting married!!!"

tissues from her future father-in-law

telling the proposal story

telling the proposal story

telling the proposal story

It was ridiculous how happy she was. If you gave me a dollar for every time DJ said "wow" or "oh my gosh" or "I'm getting married!", I think it could have got enough money to pay my way through the rest of college. You think I'm joking, but I am being completely serious. After they were done telling the proposal story we gathered in the living room for a "toast" by Drew's parents. And the rest of the night was filled with fellowship, fun and encouragement for the newly engaged couple. 

Dearest buttercup, we have been talking about and thinking about this day for the past 8 years. Wondering who your special guy would be, wondering when he would ask you out, wondering when you would get engaged. Well now all your dreams are coming true. It has been amazing to be on the outside of your relationship looking in. I have loved seeing how God has written your love story. I have loved being one of your best friends these past few years and making many, many memories with you. I am excited for this new season of your life and helping you plan the next few months before you get married. I love you with all my heart and couldn't be happier for you.

talk about some BLING!

Team Palm Tree (part 2)

"I am happy, because I get to live my life."
[bridget.healy]

haven't read part 1? click here

Just before the first semester of being an RA was ending, one of the "Quiet Hour RAs" [who lived in the dorms with students] was transitioning into an instructor position. This meant that someone had to fill the empty Quiet Hour RA spot. Yup - you guessed it! Instead of hiring someone else to fill the position, I decided to upgrade my status as a "Floater RA" to living the real college life in a dorm with three girls from the program. I had no idea what I was getting into.

I had always lived with my parents or with family, so this was my first real time being on my own for school in a dorm! The dorm apartments were not actually that bad. There were four individual rooms, two bathrooms, a small living room area, and a kitchen.

Just like at the beginning of the fall semester, we had to be on campus the week before classes started for orientation week. The students didn't come until the weekend before classes started, so my week alone was full of lots of fun - which included ice cream parties with friends while we watched Disney movies, and I also threw in a few dates now and then...

date night for the win.

The semester began and life as I knew it completely changed. I loved being more involved in the residential housing aspect of the program and being with the students. This new position as an RA was so wonderful, especially waking up at 6:00am every morning because your roommate next to you decided it was okay to play the Glee version of "Don't Stop Believing" on their CD player. We had our ups and downs, but ultimately at the end of the semester we were a family.

Fast forward to my second year of being in this program. One of my friends from church, Katie, was going to be a RA for the university, and another one of my friends also from church, Jenny, was going to be a Quiet Hour RA in the dorms - because remember, the residential housing program doubled in size.

me + jenny + katie

The three of us got very close during both semesters. When Katie was not on duty, she would come over and hang out with us and our students, do homework together, cook dinners together, etc. We were a team. There is no hesitation to say that Jenny was my hero this year. I could always count on her  to be available to take care of my girls when I wasn't feeling well. I knew that she would always be there to talk with me about all my life problems [we had many late night chats] or to encourage me and pray with me about things I was struggling with. I don't know what I would have done without her.

But before now, our moto "we bend, but never break" seemed cute and fun, but we never really understood what it really meant. At the beginning of last spring's semester, we had a plethora of students getting sick with the flu. The program's policy was that if a student does not get better within 2-3 days, then their parents need to come and pick them up [if they live relatively close by] to recover at home. One particular student in Jenny's dorm had the flu and her mom came and picked her up to recover.

A year ago today was just a normal day. I woke up, had breakfast, and at 10:30 headed off to my 2 hour and 40 minute "Intro to Integrative Studies" class [sounds fun, right? wrong. unless my professor brought us candy]. Once class was done at 1:15, I headed back to my apartment, ate lunch, and started working on some homework. It was a normal Friday until my phone went off. Normally I don't get calls from my uncle - especially when he's at work - unless he meant to call my dad, or he actually did mean to call me to give me his expert advice on my life. Even though this call was unusual I answered, and it would change my life.

"hello?"

"Andrea Grace. Where are you?"

"I just got out of class and am back at my apartment doing homework. why?"

"Is Bridget in the dorms?"

"No. Her parents picked her up a few days ago and she went home because she was sick."

"Oh. Well, I just got a call from Dr. Graff a little bit ago. Bridget passed away last night."

If I had ever had a "deer in the headlights" moment, this was it. I was speechless and could hardly breathe. I tried to make it through the phone call with my uncle without bursting into tears. In the span of just a few minutes after that call, I received texts from my mom [who was told by my aunt] and my cousin, both checking to make sure that I was okay. I was sitting on my bed, crying my eyes out, with no one physically to talk to about this. So I called a fellow co-worker who I knew wasn't in class and told him what happened, and cried even more.

Even though I tried, there was no way that I was going to be able to concentrate on my homework now. My mind was in a million and one different places. I knew that I would melt into a puddle if I stayed in my apartment any longer, so I got my wallet and went out for a drive. I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care. I eventually found myself at the frozen yogurt place across from campus [i mean, after all "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts" right?]. I slowly ate my chocolate frozen yogurt topped with mini chocolate chips thinking about this new reality.

I couldn't finish eating my frozen yogurt without feeling guilty that I wasn't with the rest of my students. Part of me didn't want to be around them because I was afraid to help them through this. My special education classes taught me behavior management strategies and how to teach students with special needs, but they certainly did not prepare me for this. 

I finally made myself go back to campus and to be with my students and fellow coworkers. Walking in that building would never be the same after today. Some of the administrative staff were helping to counsel students about the situation, while others were comforting students with this loss. Between all of us in program, I think we killed about 4 trees with all the tissues we used. But on a more serious note - this day, this sad situation, would not only change our lives forever, but would make us closer as a team.

I got more hugs that day than I had in my entire life. That night was also the annual Best Buddies Valentines Day dance. "How do I make sure the students have a good time at the dance when I can hardly function?" I thought to myself. But that night, team palm tree united together like never before. As a Residential Housing staff, we talked with the director of the program about what things were going to look like the next few days. We all knew that it wasn't going to be easy, but what we did know is that we were going to help each other through this. After we were done we stood up in a circle with our arms around each other, in silence, until one of the guys looked up and encouragingly said "hey guys! we are team palm tree. we bend, but don't break."

Bridget was one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Every morning the alarm on her phone would go off to a "High School Musical" song. She enjoyed going to Mason basketball games, her favorite color was pink, and most of all, she was a great classmate, friend and roommate.

Her motto in life was "I am happy, because I get to live my life." How often do we go through life happy just because we get to live our lives? Many times we take for granted the countless blessings that we experience in this life. I'm not just talking about our physical blessings - houses, clothes, food, etc. - but LIFE! Every breath we breathe is an undeserved gift from God. The Bible says that no one knows the day or the hour. So not only should we be happy each day because we get to live our lives, we should seek to be happy because we get to live our lives for JESUS, our Savior - who willingly came to earth in the form of man, lived a perfect life, and took our place to die a cruel death on a cross being humiliated and shamed.

It's hard to believe that it has only been a year. Her memory will forever be in our hearts. Even though I had already withdrew from school, the "free time" I now had gave me a chance to put together this slideshow to show at the Mason LIFE graduation last May.

Rest in peace dear Bridget.